Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
