I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
