so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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