i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
