Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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