This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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