She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
