Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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