I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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