11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
