This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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