I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
