were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My breasts were aching with rage.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
