whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
