You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
