Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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