i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Welp...herpes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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