I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
