Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
