theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
