Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
