thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
