Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
