oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish I only lived at night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
