I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
