At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
