A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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