"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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