I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
