I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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