I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
