Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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