Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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