"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
