Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
