can u get pink eye on your cock?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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