who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
