Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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