Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
