they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
