And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
