i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
