you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
