Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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