you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
