It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
