he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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