Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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