I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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