It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
